Let’s Talk About… Pokémon GO

So last night my son went out with my partner’s son to try and ‘Catch ‘Em All!’ on Pokémon Go. The game hasn’t released in the UK yet, but they are both on it as that’s what happens when you restrict access to something in a digital age. What impresses me most about Pokémon Go is that it has genuinely changed the face of mobile gaming in just over a week. The image of a Pokémon player has shifted dramatically and Nintendo have cornered the same market they secured with the original Wii console, namely EVERY DAMN BODY! The national news is reporting upon Pokémon Go stories, which in turn are more ‘read’ than the U.S. Presidential Race, Theresa May’s new cabinet or a murder/suicide case. This is good, right?

I’m not so sure… Continue reading Let’s Talk About… Pokémon GO

Pre-Pre-E3 Leaks are the new Pre-E3 Leaks, which were the E3 Leaks.

Well as reliable as ever the Internet – more specifically retail employees paid a minimum wage and on the edge of committing suicide in some dingy bedsit in Clapham – have began to ruin all the elements of surprise at E3 like a girlfriend who wants you to watch Breaking Bad but can’t help saying ‘Oh you like him? Shame he is killed by a lawnmower in series 10!’. So far we already know that Dead Rising 4 is a thing and may be a re-imagining of the first game with Frank West in a Mall at Christmas with 4 player co-op. Could be great, could end up being Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.

We also know that Watch Dogs 2 is coming, that it has a new protagonist (gotta sell them figurines somehow, eh Ubisoft?) and is set in the big gay city, San Francisco. What hasn’t been made absolutely clear is that hacking is a big part of the gameplay. Heard it here first folks!

Injustice: Gods Among Us was great because it was:

  • From the Mortal Kombat team
  • Has massively over the top super moves
  • Has great interactive fight stages

AND

  • Allowed you to kick the shit out of the worst superhero in the world, Superman.

Well, Injustice 2 is on the way as well. So huzzah. Hopefully there will be a mini-game where you can set fire to people who complained about Batman V Superman: DOJ without actually seeing it.

Sony and Microsoft are supposed to be announcing new versions of their current-gen consoles, reportedly with 4K resolution to ensure that all those last-gen games on backwards compatability mode will look worse, pushing sales of remasters…

Skyrim remastered is rumoured as is a Red Dead remaster/sequel.

Prey 2 may be revealed. Again. Only this time it MIGHT actually get a release. How it will tie in-to the original and great Prey is as yet unknown. I think it will be the fact that it has Prey in the title.

Will Capcom be revealing Resident Evil 7 AND the HD remaster of Resi 2 and Nemesis? Leaks suggest a big YES.

Finally we have it on good authority that our friends at Microsoft are going to be releasing a HD remake of Jet Set Willy, but with full 3D vector visuals and the game reskinned to be a day from hell for everyone’s favourite cunt, Joey Essex. As Joey wanders around his mansion, hungover and confused (can you tell if Joey Essex is more confused than normal?) he has to find issues of TV Quick and Heat magazine that he featured in to make a collage for his mum who is visiting him and bring a cheesy bean bake.

The game we’ve all been waiting for!

We shall update this post if when more stuff leaks.

Your Mum Stinks of WeE3

E3 is just around the corner – if time has corners – and we at the Lolocaust Flat are as excited as ever for the conferences hosted by people with expensive suits and vapid personalities. We are barely able to contain ourselves with the prospect of fourteen minutes of Call of Duty gameplay footage with EXCLUSIVE content timing on some system. But most of all we can’t wait for EVERY website on the WEB being FULL of identikit ARTICLES with weird use of UPPERcase to EMPHASISE things we ALL KNOW!

We promise to abandon the usual ‘reviewing E3’ tropes and instead will concentrate on the issues that matter to YOU the discerning Lolocaust reader, namely:

  • Which game has the best beard in it?
  • What game comes out closest to Bouncy’s birthday?
  • Who will be the first person to say ‘Fuck’ on stage without being ironic?
  • Will Jim Sterling die in his sleep?
  • How many people will care about 4k resolution?

And lots, lots more.

As far as we are concerned E3 hasn’t been relevant for years – we blogged about that previously – but it doesn’t mean that we won’t be using it as a springboard for some articles and podcrafts.

So join us over the E3 period for lots of fun and stuff. You Mum is welcome. She knows where we live.

Review: Blues and Bullets (Ep 1 + 2)

Episodic gaming has made huge advances since the days when Valve used it as an excuse to not make Half-Life 3. Telltale Games ensured that The Walking Dead managed to get at least one decent video game spin-off and Don’t Nod’s spectacular Life is Strange had me with tears in my eyes. So, is the gimmick seeing the rise of lazy game making? Could anyone now make a game in stages and not have to worry about the flow? I’ll admit that when I heard the pitch for Blues and Bullets I was somewhat underwhelmed. An alternate history where the Untouchable Elliot Ness owns a diner and is contacted by Al Capone to help find his kidnapped grand-daughter.

I’m more than happy to report that I was a bloody idiot.  Continue reading Review: Blues and Bullets (Ep 1 + 2)

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