War Were Declared

WarWereDeclaredIt’s all kicked off now, with something unexpected* slimming down the playing field, and the quarter finals are being brought forward as quickly as possible once we have cleaned all the blood from our reading glasses. We will be bringing you details of all the fights today  starting, well now… hit the jump to find out what the hell went down…

It all started over an arguement about Jerry Maguire ended with a bar brawl from which only seven Nazis survived.

The bar brawl was started by that fiendish Nazi Monkey from Raiders as he jumped up on top of the TV in the bar and flicked on Jerry Maguire and the collected leftys were transfixed on the little boy in the film, not realising that the Aryan looks were hiding his Jewish faith, until a pop up video style info bite showed it off… the resulting anger set off the brawl, with the clockwork Nazi from Hellboy running his blades through Amon Goeth while he was sniping at people from the window, he fell backwards andthe rifle let off a shot that caught Will Ferrel’s Liebkind in the face, blowing out the back of his head with a comedy ‘splot’. In turn his pidgeons flew through the room scattering feathers and crap over the Nazis until Von Stauffenberg fired a service pistol in the air and demmanded a sit down talk to resolve the arguements. Murmours of agreement were shared as they ambled to the meeting room, where they sat waiting for Von Stauffenberg to arrive… the Nazi Monkey crawled over the table attracted to a noise and found a briefcase with a lot of explosives inside. Opening it for the other Nazis to see panic ensued as they tried to escape the trap Von Stauffenberg had – chracteristically – set, but to no avail.. the door was blocked by the bucket containing Von Luger’s remains.

At exactly 2.28pm the bomb exploded, sending smoke and debris flying everywhere, with a red mist settling on the area. For a while there was silence, save for the occasional bit of rubble shifting, until suddenly Cyborg Hitler rose from the ruins. As the blast wouldn’t have affected his frame he was safe, as were the five other Nazis stood with him between themselves and the explosion. The six survivors strode out of the ruins, to be checked over by Nazi Championship Medical personnel, and a couple were seen talking to the guy from Eastenders and The Bill about putting in a compo claim. But who survived?

Cyborg Hitler – Protected by occult powers and metal

Martin Boorman – Shielded by an incredibly busty blonde on his lap as he lay in a coffin

Nazi Monkey – Blown out of the way and landed nimbly on Cyborg Hitler’s crotch plate

Major Toht – Was distracted by a Golden Ark

Dr Szell – Was safe

Downfall Hitler – Emerged with a few injuries and damaged hearing, but very VERY angry.

But what now? Well the new round is being drawn up as we speak by our resident mathematician, Matty Statto, and will be available for viewing later today along with details of any other events naturally. Suffice to say, War Were Declared between these Nazi bastards.

* Unexpected unless you felt that I was over ambitious at the start 😛


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