Lolocaust Gaming Icons That People Forget About But We Think Deserve A Little More Respect And Recognition So We Wrote This For You To Read #1 – Major General Carville

When it comes to the legends of gaming you generally find most of the attention hogged by Master Chief, Mario, Sonic, Link and Cool Spot. We disagree with this popularist clap-trap. We love the guys who were great regardless of the game and this new feature will help celebrate these poor lost souls in a respectful fashion. Who better to kick off with than the best General ever seen in a video game, in the whole of gaming history! FACT!

Ladies and Gentlefolk I present the very first Lolocaust Gaming Icon: General Thorn ‘Ben’ Carville.


Need we say any more than that?

Well no… but we will do because we LOVE Major General Carville.

The cigar chomping Texan Major General became the Allied Commander’s main mission giver in the Red Alert: Retaliation expansion and continued on through Red Alert 2 and Yuri’s Revenge. When it comes to these missions I didn’t think that anyone could out-Seth Seth in the awesome stakes – don’t you dare say ‘Seth Who?’ – but Carville simply owned the screen, and made loading times bearable.

Sadly all good things come to an end and during the events of Red Alert 2 Carville meets his maker after an encounter with a Crazy Ivan suicide bomber – although some think that it was a Cuban terrorist.

I was gutted when this happened in the game, with a tear in my eye I fought to avenge his premature death at the hands of the evil, evil folk. Some people cite Sepiroth killing Aeris as the moment that they first felt genuine sadness for a gaming character, but for me it was all General Carville. The louder than necessary General had led an army to greatness, poked fun at Tanya and made me wish he was my Uncle. Now he was dead, blown up by some bomb wearing nutjob. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right and much like Fable II’s dog he didn’t stay dead. With Red Alert 2: Yuri’s Revenge a time travel plot device ensured that the events surrounding his death never happened and as such he reappeared in the newly merged time-lines.

Nations celebrated.

Day’s were names as public holidays.

Thousands of people who didn’t even know who Carville was wrote about him on Twitter, leading to a trending topic.

In short, it was an awesome moment.

Even the American President was surprise and he was played by Ray Fucking Wise!

Essentially this was the gaming equivalent of Elvis actually, genuinely being alive and well, working in a garage – or whatever those fucking nutjob American conspiracy wankers think. The good General had managed to out-awesome death itself, all thanks to Albert Einstein, Time Travel and one very awesome Commander.

So we salute you General, may the memory of your awesomeness echo through eternity… or something.


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