Sometimes a case of ‘Writer’s Block’ can be combatted with a simple task of answering pre-prepared questions. What follows is a list of 150 questions I found on a DeviantArt profile page… It didn’t help me at all.
Sorry if this is the most tedious thing you’ve ever read.
I re-wrote this bit after finishing the questions, initially it was much more positive and light-hearted. Suffice to say that these questions have broken me.
1. Where did you find the 150 questions?
I found them on a photographer’s journal while browsing the people whom I follow on DeviantArt.
2. So, what was the last magazine you read?
This month’s Retro Gamer.
3. Do you have Tumblr?
No, although I did consider it briefly last week.
4. Who is your favourite celebrity?
‘Celebrity’ is a word I have clear contempt for – unless I’m using their clear ‘lofty status’ to fuel a rant, of course – I much prefer the term used years ago, ‘Personality’. My favourite personalities on television and film shift often.
5. If you could (and someone else could) drive a Land Rover Defender anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you go with?
I would take it to the peak of an active volcano, get out and push it in, just to watch it burn.
6. What are you listening to at the moment?
“The Times They Are-A-Changin'” – Bob Dylan (As part of the Watchmen Soundtrack)
7. If you could be any size in the world, what size would it be?
I’d be pretty much the size that I am in terms of weight, but I would like to be a little shorter.
8. What is your worst habbit?
Rolling small pieces of tissue paper between my fingers to make it into a point.
9. What do you more: Bitching or being bitched about?
Oooh, well. I am known to have a very sardonic personality, and I do speak my mind, but I suppose I also make a lot of enemies along the way, so probably a bit of both.
10. Favourite car?
1966 Chevrolet Chevelle SS
11. What do you hate about yourself?
My persistant, and non-intentional procrastination.
12. What would be your dream job?
Well we are talking ‘dream job’ so not necessarily realistic, so I’d say bohemian poet, living in Hamburg.
13. Do you wear a necklace?
I sometimes wear cog tags, as seen in the Gears of War series.
14. Can you surfboard?
15. Who’s your closet friend on DeviantArt?
16. Do you get annoyed easily?
I do, but I am VERY good at burying it. I try to have patience when there doesn’t seem to be any.
17. Do you believe in Karma?
I wish I could, and I try to keep in mind that it’s a better way to live your life if you think that doing good will bring some divine reward. Truth is no matter how much good you do, bad things happen.
18. If you became famous and had to write your own autobiography, what would it be called and why?
“Bouncing The Ball – The Three Lives Of Nathan Smith” as I have three clear ‘personas’ in my life, and I would have to write about all of them.
19. Do you want to be a parent when you are older?
Already am, and this question makes me feel older than I need to. I have three children and it is awesome.
20. What do you hate about people on DeviantArt?
I absolutely despise people who use it as a photobucket account, with no artistic merit whatsoever.
21. Are you afraid to say what you think?
No, although I am always careful not to sound vicious.
22. Shy or loud?
All of the above, depending on the situation.
23: Tidy or Messy?
I like to arrange things into an ordered state, but I don’t need to be surrounded by the smell of Dettol and bleach either. Clutter is character building.
25. Hate or Love Marmite?
Hate it – although I’ve only ever had Marmite-flavoured Mini Cheddars.
26. Ribena or Vimto?
27. Rihanna or Taylor Swift?
28. Car or Motorbike?
Neither, I have good legs.
29. What county would you like to own?
Cornwall, so that I could sink the whole accursed place beneath the waves – preferably with as many locals still at home as possible.
30. What would be your dream holiday?
Log cabin in a snow-covered forest, with wood for the fire, a dock for my iPod and some great books.
31. Jeremy Clarkson or Tiff Needell?
32. What are you doing right now?
Aside from answering far more questions than ANYONE will ever read through, I’m listening to music and considering a photography project.
33. What is your ultimate wish?
That the world would wake up tomorrow with a sense of pride.
34. What magazines do you like to read?
Games TM, Retro Gamer, EDGE, Little White Lies and Empire.
35. Religious or Non-Religious?
Formerly religious, constantly envious of those whom can take comfort from a book and an idea.
36. What is your worst nightmare?
37. Top Gear or Fifth Gear?
38. Have you ever been to Top Gear Live?
39. What is your biggest hate?
40. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
One sister – two years younger than I am.
41. Do you have a Wii?
Yes, it is gathering dust next to the other consoles though.
42. Do you like cheese?
Very much so, but recently it doesn’t like me.
43. Do you like to eat fruit and veg?
Sometimes, but never after buying it. If there is some here, I will just fancy it and eat it.
44. What are your top 3 favourite TV shows?
1. The League Of Gentlemen
2. Curb Your Enthusiasm
45. Describe yourself in 5 words.
Sarcastic, Chubby, Considerate, Thoughtful, Father.
46. Do you have a bath or a shower?
Both – Take THAT Russia.
47. If you went to a club and you were allowed to put any song on, what song would it be?
“Pruit Igoe” – Philip Glass
48. Are you sexy or dull?
Depends on how you quantify ‘sexy’ really… I adore the physical act, but do not consider myself to be physically ‘sexy’ – my wife does though. Go figure, it does seem that it is in the eye of the beholder.
49. Dream “Night Fun”?
Guessing this is a ‘perfect sexual fantasy’ question? Well as a parent of three, just a night of uninterrupted sleep followed by a quiet breakfast would probably better and sexual encounter by a country mile.
50. Childish or Serious?
Perfect mix of the two. I never forget who I am talking to, but also never forget who I am either.
52. Favourite slogan T-shirt?
53. Favourite colour?
Strong yellow and black.
54. Do you own a pair of Converses?
Not any more.
55. Do you have an iPhone?
I have an iPod as I don’t like mobile phones.
56. Believe in life after death?
No. Wish I did.
57. Who would you absoutley love to kiss right now?
Any of my kids, they are in bed – hopefully asleep.
58. Do you get bullied?
I suppose I may have a little bit when I was at school, but I think I rose above it most of the time and it never got to me as much as other issues I had. I did once kick the crap out of a smart-arse who thought he’d show off to his friends by kicking my school bag across the locker area, he was a mess. Was given half a day’s exclusion as the Vice Principal had to punish me in *some* way, but hinted that he was glad that someone had given the lad a lesson.
59. Do you like tomatoes?
No. Well, I will sometimes eat them, but I wouldn’t order them specifically.
60. Do you like Doctor Who?
Yes. Have done for many, many years. Glad the show is back on TV and more popular than ever.
61. Have you ever watched one of the Austin Powers films??
Seen all three… Do I get a medal for enduring the third one?
62. If you was stuck on a deserted Island who would you want to be on there with and what 3 things would you have with you?
I would want my family there, seeds for vegetables, a radio (to listen to music) and a solar charger.
63. Best Daydream?
I once sat on a bus and daydreamed a zebra galloping alongside us.
64. Worst DayDream?
The ones I sometimes have when I envision the consequence of a wicked act.
65. When did you last laugh so hard you got astomach ache?
This morning, watching sketches from the Edinburgh Fringe.
66. Favourite leg wear?
Comfortable trousers – preferably with lots of pockets.
67. Knickers or Girl Boxers?
Erm… Well not to wear personally, but I do like girl boxers. Preserve a little mystery.
68. What do you want to be when you are older?
I want to be worthless in terms of money, but that people will remember me fondly.
70. Do you believe in Santa?
No. (I know that DeviantArt is popular with kids… but COME ON NOW!)
71. Do you need braces?
Only for my trousers if this weight keeps dropping off.
72. Do you eat alot of junk food?
73. Are you in love?
74. Do you miss someone right now?
Yes. One person in particular, and many on occasion.
75. How tall are you?
76. What female inspires you?
Emma Kennedy – Writer, Comedian and purveyor of poo-anecdotes.
77. Do you hate stalkers?
I think that some people open themselves up too much online and don’t consider the feelings of others when talking in a ‘virtual’ world, which is actually the real world, but that distance makes some people think that they are immune from any real-world interaction. When this occurs I think that both sides are wrong.
78. Who was the last person you said ‘I love You’ too?
My youngest son after he had an accident in his trousers and was sad.
79. Do you wish you could be held and told you were loved?
I can be, and I am very grateful for this.
81. What is the incident you most regret?
Oooh… Now there’s a toughie. See life is full of regrets, and if yours doesn’t have any regret in it you’ve either not lived or are living in some egotistical dream world.
82. Ever died?
In videogames I die ALL THE DAMN TIME! (especially when FPS titles change the controls around.. damn grenades)
83. Do you believe in Ghosts?
No. Although I do believe that people see ‘something’.
84. Do you have a nick name?
Bouncybhall – obviously. But when I was at school/early work placements I had a variety of other nicknames including Yeti, Fingers, Moon and Donkey.
85. Do you love your family?
Most of it.
86. Do you wish you were famous?
No. I would like to be known by some people outside of my friendship group, and respected. That’s all I require.
87. If you had children and it was 1 little boy and 1 little girl what would you call them?
I already have three children, one girl and two boys. Harry, Katie-Ann and Archer.
88. What would you love more than anything?
89. Do you like JLS?
90. Who are your favourite female singer(s)?
Too numerous to pinpoint a few.
91. Who are your favourite male singer(s)?
Same as above.
93. Favourite actor?
I would have to say that I am a sucker for Norman Wisdom.
94. Who are you jealous of?
Nobody. I have moments of jealousy based upon people I know going to awesome places, but I’m more jealous of that moment than them as a person.
95. What would be your ideal party?
In an ideal world I would hire out some rooftop space in London and have a bohemian party of live music, poetry, photography and art.
96. Do you have a dirty or clean mind?
I have good intentions but a filthy sense of humour.
97. Do you like sleepovers?
98. Can you count to a million?
What sort of question is that? Yes, of course. But I won’t do it just to prove it, but I know I *could*.
99. Favourite childhood memory?
Numerous. Far too many to choose just one, but a trip to Gamesmaster Live in the mid-nineties and accidentally getting lost and ending up backstage at a Genesis gig rehearsal was awesome.
100. Are you ready to answer another 50 questions?
Ready? No. Am I going to, yep.
101. What do you hate about school?
Jesus, still feeling old… Bloody Internet… Right the one thing I hated most about schools was the fact that my third primary school didn’t feel the need to push me once I hit the government’s targets. Ended up screwing up two years of my life and had a hugely damaging effect on my further education. At the time it seemed cool to be the lone one in the library, but now I am angry that I was let down so horribly.
102. What is your favourite subject at school?
History was my favourite, and I hated art, although now I appreciate it more for hating it then.
103. What do you do in your spare time?
Writing, reading, photography, watching movies and riding my bike.
104. Do you take life seriously?
Yes, but not at the expense of my enjoyment. A court case soon opens your eyes to the institutions that you have to respect regardless of opinion.
105. Do you like being told what to do?
I loath it.
106. Are you happy at the moment?
I’m sat at a computer answering 150 questions I found on the internet as a direct result of writer’s block. So no. Not currently.
107. Do you like your picture taken?
I didn’t when I was younger, but then regretted not having many photos from that part of my life. As a photographer I am often behind the lens instead of in front of it, but I don’t make efforts to not be in photos these days.
108. Have you planned your future?
I thought I had, but then got distracted by real life – I have an end game plan though.
109. Do you want to be a singer when you are older?
110. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
I would change my attitude towards money.
111. How many computers/Laptops do you have in your house?
Three (not including retro computers and consoles)
112. Do you own a iPod?
Yes. I have the big chunky classic iPod Video and a 2nd gen touch. My kids have a couple of Shuffles and a Nano. Yes we love the devices.
113. How often do you take a bath?
When I find the time, but always before a work shift. Never an excuse to stink at work.
114. Out of all your best friends, who do you talk about the “dirty” stuff with?
I don’t talk to my friends much about that side of my life, unless there is comedy value in there somewhere.
115. How often to do you listen to music?
As often as possible, but only if the environment suits it.
116. Do you have dreams you want to conquer before you are 30?
Crap… passed that… had dreams I wanted to conquer when I was a teenager, but they were stupid dreams with no grounding in reality.
117. Have your parents ever told you, ‘You are strange’ or gave you a funny look when you do something stupid?
118. What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have done to you?
If I could pick out one thing, I would probably go for the haircuts I was given in the 80’s and the parental need to collect photographs of me with *those* cuts to show off to people decades later… /Shudder
119. Have you ever been a bridesmaid before?
120. Have you got your ears pierced?
121. How often to do you smile?
122. Would you die for the one you love?
Yes… for many people.
123. Who is like a sister to you out of your friends?
124. Do you like cuddles?
Occasionally. I also like space.
125. Do you like to be kissed by a girl?
Erm… yes (again this series of questions is reading more like a Just 17 magazine page…)
126. Do you love writing?
I do… although sometimes it pains me to try and write something that won’t translate to the page.
127. Do you like injections?
Not particularly, but they are somewhat important.
128. Do you watch Eastenders?
If I am in the room with the wife I may happen to catch a bit, but usually I’m up to something more interesting, like answering pointless questions on the internet.
129. What colour is your hair?
Dark brown, but my facial hair wavers between brown and ginger. The rest of my body hair is dark brown again, proving that I clearly ate too many Wotsits as a child.
130. Where is your favourite holiday loaction?
131. When is your birthday?
End of August.
132. Romantic or foreplay?
I think that they are part of the same package… Pfft, kids.
133. Racing or cruzing?
Oh jeez… I’m losing the will to go on now…
134. Lilles or Roses?
135. Happy or Sad?
I was happy until this quiz drove me to despair – I’ve already corrected 40+ grammatical/spelling errors in the questions.
136. Sun or Rain?
137. Snow or Thunder Storms?
138. Childish or Grown up?
139. Sex before or after marriage?
Clearly an American teen wrote this… Fucking American teens!! Before, during and after.
140. Lies or Truth?
Both are necessary for a successful and happy life.
141. Are you on Facebook?
Yes, I am.
142. Winking or Smirking?
You ever get the feeling that this would have been better as just 24 questions? (Oh no! I’ve just added ANOTHER one)
143. Winner or Loser?
Best to experience both and enjoy them equally.
144. Playing fair or cheating?
Playing fair is important, but it’s within the remit to cheat if you are fighting a griefer.
145. Who would you LOVE to marry?
I married the person I wanted to marry, although I’d consider polygamy if I could marry the character that Ellen Page plays in Super.
146. Who would you love to get lost with?
147. Who would you like to go on a world tour with?
A troupe of the UK’s finest stand-up comedians, travelling in a bus not unlike the one that the Electric Mayhem tour in, in the Muppets.
148. Who would you like to go on a motorbike tour with?
That would be Ross Noble again.
149. Who would you like to go shopping with?
The Queen, in Aldi.
150. Who would you love to go car shopping with?
Someone who could afford to buy my a Chevelle SS.
And that’s it? What a crappy final question.
OK, I’ll add in one more…
151. What could you have done with your time if you weren’t stuck answering an increasingly vapid series of questions on the internet?
ANYTHING! Hell, I’d even go to my neighbour’s house and clean their toilets than EVER have to do something so mind-numbingly tedious.
I tell you who I feel most sorry for, you, dear reader… Sorry.