Lolocaust and the Press Complaints Commission

‘WeAreTheLolocaust’ has always upheld the highest ethical and moral practice in every facet of it’s broad entermaiment coverage.

Being regarded as a “Major Player” in the Videogame Journalism Arena, WATL’s prime directives are completely aligned with those guidelines put forward by the Press Complaints Commission in their Code of Practice.

In light of recent high-profile intrusive gross-misconduct by the mainstream press and subsequent government enquiry , we would like to go a little further than your average blogpaper and take a minute to explain our commitment to whiter-than-white games coverage.

The Editor’s Code

All members of the press have a duty to maintain the highest professional standards. The Code, sets the benchmark for those ethical standards, protecting both the rights of the individual and the public’s right to know. It is the cornerstone of the system of self-regulation to which the industry has made a binding commitment.

And when our Editor, Mr B Hall is tired from too much left-handed self-regulation, he’s known to grant universal invulnerability by using the following alternative “editor’s code”…

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It is the responsibility of editors and publishers to apply the Code to editorial material in both printed and online versions of publications.

See above image.  Only really works with N.E.S. keyboards.  The best keyboards of all time.  Just ask Miyamoto-san.  Preferably before the Wii-U bombs after launch: we’re worried he might do a “Download Seppuku from the eshop“.

Editors should co-operate swiftly with the Press Complaints Commission in the resolution of complaints. Any publication judged to have breached the Code must publish the adjudication in full and with due prominence.

Acceptable WATL methods, as used personally by the Editor are as follows: a) posting the complaint in full on the site in question, b) Twitter, c) Facebook d) in the comments section over and over again, e) wailing “waaaaaaaaa” at every available opportunity f) pooing into Jim Sterling’s toaster, g) all of the above.

NB: At the time of this declaration of journalistic integrity, Our Editor is still in hiding following a previous altercation with Destructoid’s Jim Sterling . Hopefully things will calm down a little as Destructoid’s Jim is currently under investigation for sexual harassment at a recent Capcom Cross Assault event. Actually it might not be him *squints at the image again*.

Accuracy

i) The Press must take care not to publish inaccurate, misleading or distorted information, including pictures.

Particular attention needs to be given to press releases, normally surrounding the announcement of a new console.  Normally involving Sony.  Normally announcing their third (or soon to be announced forth) home console.  Normally containing “inaccurate, misleading or distorted information, including pictures” regarding the final performance, specification and build of said console.  Normally.

Take care kids – we here will adhere strictly to these press guidelines and will bring you absolutely fuck-all news during Sony’s E3 press conference in 2012 and 2013.  It will be our weak spot and it WILL be hit for massive damage.

iii) The Press, whilst free to be partisan, must distinguish clearly between comment, conjecture and fact.

At the Editor’s request, we here use a variety of methods to distinguish between comment, conjecture and fact as follows:  1) Comment is suffixed by the acronym “LOL”, 2) Conjecture is prefixed by “according to”, and 3) fact is treated with an inherent medieval suspicion born of a culture where only black magic and voodoo is convincing to the villagers.

You might also be surprised to hear that as well as being a “partisan” website, we are also an “artisan” bakesite** offering a selection of Videogame bread, handmade in Fenland and Swanky London.  Loaves on offer include, Granary Turismo, French Fraguette, High-Dynamic Bloomer, and a basic Black & White sliced.

**This is a lie.  An example of exactly the sort of nonsense which will not be reported here.

Opportunity to reply

A fair opportunity for reply to inaccuracies must be given when reasonably called for.

Your free and open right-to-reply is available 24/7 to all members of the public each of the article’s comments section***

***All comments moderated for approval by our high-priest, his holiness, The Editor.

Privacy

iii) It is unacceptable to photograph individuals in private places without their consent.

By “Private Places” the Press Complaints Commission surely mean “upskirt shots” at Cosplay conventions – right? right? SHAME!  That’s all I visit Kotaku.com for and that’s all they fucking report on.  Consider my sex-life derailed by legislation and journalistic bureaucracy.

Note – Private places are public or private property where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy.

Phew.  Sex life back on track!  I now return to my attempt to be the first man to sail across the information-super-highway single-handed.  Note to self – ask Guinness World of Records if changing hands half way still counts.  I’m sure it’s a small formality.

Intrusion into grief or shock

i) In cases involving personal grief or shock, enquiries and approaches must be made with sympathy and discretion and publication handled sensitively.
*ii) When reporting suicide, care should be taken to avoid excessive detail about the method used.

Here at We Are Lolocaust, the Editorial line on any sad act of suicide is to define and describe it with dignity and care.

Depending upon the tragic modus operandi of the ex-person, our official descriptions used are either “Rage-quit Xbox Life”, “Hello Floor: Combat Devolved”, “Silent Kill”, “Pain-Killer Instinct” or “Star Wars: The Forth Bridge Unleashed”.

Clandestine devices and subterfuge

i) The press must not seek to obtain or publish material acquired by using hidden cameras or clandestine listening devices without consent.

Shit.  I’d just got off the phone the McWherter Twins and all.  This is a small setback, I’m sure.

Payment to criminals

i) Payment or offers of payment for stories, pictures or information, which seek to exploit a particular crime or to glorify or glamorise crime in general, must not be made directly or via agents to convicted or confessed criminals or to their associates – who may include family, friends and colleagues.

We Are Lolocaust is a not-for-profit-organisation.  While it is rumoured as being a for-nintendo-club-codes-organisation, there is no proof that any codes have ever changed hands either via twitter’s direct messages, nor by any other means.  Xbox codes are a different matter altogether.

We wait patiently by the letterbox in only our pants, hoping that the free iPad3 / iPad2S to review arrives soon.  But while we are waiting (and waiting we will be – a long, long time) everything is done for the love of it.

While others websites and their shitty, lazy, churning, plagerising, paid staff will be accused of committing crimes against videogame journalism – watch us here toe the line.

Our Fearless Leader THE EDITOR may have the occassional Dirty Harry approach to fact-intimidation and news-vigilantism, but he’s always the RIGHT SIDE OF THE LAW…..

I know what you’re thinking. “Did he approve six articles or only five this week?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 WordPress, the most powerful publisher in the world, and would blog your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk? 

ii) Editors invoking the public interest to justify payment or offers would need to demonstrate that there was good reason to believe the public interest would be served. If, despite payment, no public interest emerged, then the material should not be published.

Public interest is not something I’ve ever had a problem with.  Due mainly to the fact that the public has never had any interest in the articles I write.  Therefore no payment.  No public interest. No worries, PCC.

Even after my move to this website, I am not expecting any public interest to emerge following this publication of this article.  My mum might give it a go, but that’s about it.  To be fair, she’d give anything a go, at least once.

Our Commitment

There you have it.  In full.  Our statement of intent.  Our Lolocode.  We and Our Grand Moff Editor, serve to entertain within the tight codes of this harsh and punishing industry.

Join us on our journey as we all live and breathe by the site’s single, concise motto….

Quisque comoedus, Monstra mihi pecuniam.

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