If you’re a fan of the Bantersnatch, you’ll know that I like to talk about apps. Thing is, I’m talking about so many apps now that I need somewhere to organise my thoughts in an easily categorisable manner, like socks, or memories of past sexual conquests. Here, then, is a quick guide to how the new site categories will work.
SEX TALKS ABOUT APPS: All of my app posts will be in this category, for easy searching.
HAPPY APPS: Good, hearty fare which makes you feel physically and mentally right, like the first bowel movement of the morning or a huge vomiting session after a prolonged bout of irritating illness.
CRAPPY APPS: These are the apps that, like Jesus, I have suffered on the cross with so you don’t have to. Pay attention to these and you shall be with me this day in paradise. Crappy apps are usually paid or ones, as the free ones don’t generate enough ire to be legitimately railed agains.
FAPPY APPS: The very top bollocks. Deserves to stay on your device until you’ve wrung every last drop of entertainment out of it. Makes you feel as warm, wonderful and natural like a cup of Irished-up Earl Grey slyly slurped in the cupboard during a tough Monday afternoon at work.
SCALLY APPS: Indicates that this app was developed and promoted by scallywags, hucksters and shysters. A Scally App could be outlandishly expensive, possess an evil freemium model which tries to gouge you for IRL cash at every interaction, or simply represent astoundingly bad play time for money. A Scally App can also be a good game; it just means it will make your device smell of money and the tears of Chinese orphans making iPads on Christmas morning and that you may wish to avoid it if you are bothered by things like that.