What A Bunch Of Tossers – Why Some Gamers Don’t Deserve Good Games

It’s not unusual to open up Twitter and see a stream of abuse coming from gamers when a new title is released. Whether there is restrictive DRM, ‘unnecessary’ Multi-Player or it was simply put out by EA it seems that the self-righteous, indignant fuckery on display is something that many have come to accept as the norm. Well it isn’t the norm, it just makes the rest of us look like self-serving wankers, so pack it in!

Case in point – Family Guy Online.

Now I had the chance to dip into this game after being sent an email invite and for the most part the game was solid and a massive step up when compared to the indefensible Family Guy – Return to the Multiverse. Recently though it was announced that the game would soon be shut down. Now it’s an MMO based on a licensed bit of IP, so this isn’t unusual as such, the unusual aspect drops in when you read some of the stats that James Hursthouse (Roadhouse Interactive’s President) released to highlight some of the problems:

  • 90% of conversations between players were Family Guy quotes

  • 70% of players could not progress past level 2

  • There were 17 Giant Chicken encounters

  • There were 200 players online simultaneously at its peak

  • 60% of the jokes were re-used from the show

200 players online simultaneously as a peak is reason enough for any game to be shut down, but for 90% of the conversations between players simply consisting of Family Guy quotation, well that just shows how unsuited a general gaming audience is for MMO products. Worse still:

“After observing many players struggling with the battle system, we tried to dumb down the mechanics so even children could understand,” he explains, “but most players couldn’t get past the rock-paper-scissors battle system. In fact, there were quite a few players that asked whether or not Lois would become nude after she makes a sex joke and spent most of their time trying to attack the Megan NPC.”

Just mind-numbing.

See, I can fully accept that gamers are a diverse bunch, but it always seems to be the minority that screw the rest of us over. It simply boggles the mind as to how it ever got to be like this. But it’s not just niche MMO titles that seem to attract abject ignorance either, as evidenced by this page on Xbox 360 Achievements’ Tomb Raider achievement guide, where by users of the site can discuss specific achievements, and in particular looking at the ‘Multiplayer Level 60’ achievement. Here are a few select comments that users of the site were obliged to write – before actually playing the game at all:

Comment #16 by Physicist
Friday, January 18, 2013 @ 10:42:56 PM

I had this game preordered. Now I have to cancel it. What a fuckin hassle

Comment #24 by Ryda34563
Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 05:34:05 AM

Fuck right off, I will most likely play the multiplayer for about an hour give or take whether In like it or not.

Tomb Raider has always been about a single player adventure experience not some run and gun game.

Comment #42 by Sonnenberg

Sunday, January 20, 2013 @ 12:46:04 PM

game ruined…

I will not play it because of this achievement

Comment #55 by TheWeasel

Monday, January 21, 2013 @ 05:04:32 PM

if the game bombs it will be because of stupid achievements like this one.
when are devs going to realize that to get proper stats on wether or not the mp is worth putting the money in it, they should not have mp achievements like this on a first run on mp

Comment #86 by W1cked Seraph
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 04:05:22 AM

I was on the ropes til i saw this. I had this pre ordered and was pumped. Then they announced MP and i cancelled it. Now im half tempted to pass it up. May rent it but definately gonna spend 60 bucks on something that should of been single player all the way.

Comment #88 by Splinter4

Wednesday, February 27, 2013 @ 02:48:03 PM

Pre-order cancelled. Thank you xbox360achievements, for you truthful review, and for giving us all a heads-up on these ridiculous MP chievos.

I’m getting too old and too busy to waste my time boosting these pointless chievos. If I’m spending $60, then I damn well better enjoy the game!

Of course there were voices of sanity:

Comment #22 by Wing Gundam Zero
Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 01:13:44 AM

WTF is the problem? MP is a game mode, so it should have achievements linked to it… fucking achievement whores.
Comment #23 by liam09wafc
Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 05:17:52 AM

Totally agree with #22! Shut the fuck up whining about MP cheevos in games! At #16 that’s the saddest fucking thing I have ever read on this site, cancelling a preorder of a great game coz of one achievement! Jesus Christ!!!!!

But they were then over-ruled by this guy:

Comment #38 by Adam Corela
Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 07:17:44 PM

@22 & @23 Last time I checked this was a site mostly dedicated to ACHIEVEMENTS, so if people want to complain about certain ACHIEVEMENTS, then this is certainly the place to do it. Maybe you two should shut up.

So you have this group of gamers attempting to pervert a game, in the literal sense of the word, and another cluster of fucks declaring that they won’t buy – or play in many cases – what is one of the best games of this generation simply as a result of a multi-player mode (or more specifically an achievement or two associated with it.)

Then you have the whole EA/Maxis/Sim City dispute – which I’ll be looking at very soon.

Why oh why do some gamers feel so empowered to be such wankers? Whether they are spawn camping in an on-line shooter, giving grief to developers based upon their own decisions or complaining on a forum about something that is obviously more worthy of discussion than world politics or local issues these people make me wish for the days when gaming was a bedroom habit for a select few. We were far more accepting of design flaws. Hell we’d spend days copying code from a Spectrum magazine to run a clone of Donkey Kong and then only get a little frustrated when it didn’t work due to a single typo *somewhere* in the code.

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