Lolocaust Presents – The GTA Spree Kill Challenges – A warning from history

Hey you!

Yes you! Mr “So-called Hardcore” video-game enthusiast! No, not you! You! You at the back! The whiney one behind the fat one saying, “who me?” Yes you!  Let me ask you this:

Do modern videogames seem just too easy for a seasoned thumb-bandit like you? Is Super Hexagon just too square for you? Has your love for Dark Souls died over and over again?  Have you looped Gradius into a Mobius strip? Are you frustrated filling your time waiting your GTA online friends to eat their dinner/ put the cat out?  Does a five star wanted level feel like a walk in the park to you?

Well, we here at Lolocaust Towers have the solution to your problem.  We Are The Lolocaust (in conjunction with a History Channel) have created a series of in-game challenges which allow you to “Walk Amok Down Memory Pain”.  Where your emergent gameplay imitates rampage history.

We present to you the Lolocaust’s “GTA Christmas Shopping Spree Kill Challenge”.

SO HOW DOES IT WORK?

We have selected a series of real-life spree-kill and rampage “world records” and are challenge you to recreate them within the GTA universe.  Based on historical data, method guidelines have been created for each challenge in order to give you the most immersive rampage history lesson every created.  Simply follow the “rules” for each individual rampage challenge.

WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?

Learn arm chair psychology and police tactics – great anecdotal material!  Impress guests at dinner parties, at baby-showers or in job interviews with your first-hand knowledge of the world’s most infamous kill rampages.  Learn what really goes through the head of a Spree Killer.  Maybe your experience will help save future lives!  Also there’s a prize for completing all challenges.

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WHAT, THERE’S A PRIZE?

Yes.  The first person to complete the entire challenge series wins a real life trophy – engraved and everything – to sit proud of place on a mantelpiece of your choice.  This isn’t a joke.  If you have the inclination to video, or have a member of the Lolocaust staff adjudicate, then you WILL receive a trophy.  Your name will go down in history.

THE RULES

Each challenge must be attempted in one session, without death or nor arrest.  Finish with the appropriate suicide, escape or arrest.  Unless stated otherwise, you may NOT choose to lose your wanted level at any point in your rampage.  Law enforcers don’t forget about spree killers.

Co-Operative help of any sort is forbidden, although Co-Op is encouraged for identifying targets, spectating and adjudicating.  Obviously, co-operating with a rampage role player does come with the rick of some “collateral damage”.

Unless specified otherwise a “Kill” or “injure” must be of an NPC only.  “Kill” is defined by a victim not getting get back up from their injuries, using the specific challenge method.  Kills through splash damage from collateral explosions etc. are allowed.  “Injure “is defined by a victim is knocked down to the ground, using the specific challenge method. If an injured victim dies or is accidentally killed – this is fine.  Sometimes we just can’t leave them suffering.

OK – with the formalities out of the way, let’s begin – remember to follow the rules, methodology and to take a note of the body count.  And above all, have fun, you sick bastard!

 

The “Peter Grachev” Cross-species Rampage Challenge
cow_targetAKA “Holey Cow!”
RESEARCH
KILL – 32
TARGET – 19 people + 12 cows
METHOD – Jerry can + Sniper rifle only
FINISH – Surrender
DIFFICULTY LEVEL *

 

The “Second Lieutenant Sanurip” Go Postal Challenge
resignation460AKA “Please accept my resignation”
RESEARCH
KILL – 16
INJURE – 11
TARGET – Police, FIB, Military, NOOSE
METHOD – Shoot with SMG or assault rifles only
FINISH – Capture
DIFFICULTY LEVEL *

 

The “Ronald Gene Simmons” Domestic Violence Challenge
download
AKA “Shortening the Christmas Card List”
RESEARCH
KILL – 16
INJURE – 4
TARGET – Your own poor unsuspecting crew members
METHOD – Shoot with pistol only.
FINISH – Surrender.
DIFFICULTY LEVEL **

 

The “Ahmed Ibragimov” Race Hate Challenge
BNP-leader-Nick-Griffin-001
AKA “What’s black / white and red all over?”
RESEARCH
KILL – 41
TARGET – NPCs of differing ethnicity to player.
METHOD – Shoot with pistol only.
FINISH – Capture
DIFFICULTY LEVEL **

The “Li Xianliang” Tractor Rampage Challenge
traktortuning1
AKA “Pesticide Homicide”
RESEARCH
KILL – 17
INJURE – 30
TARGET – Pedestrians.
METHOD – Flatten with tractor. Yes, you heard correctly.  Flatten with tractor.
FINISH – Capture
DIFFICULTY LEVEL **

The “Jorge Alberto Cuellar Beltran” Grenade-amok Challenge
michael-bay-transformers-1024x597
AKA “Murder on the Dance Floor”
RESEARCH
KILL – 8
INJURE – 90
TARGET – Anyone happy.
METHOD – Grenade, Sticky Bomb, Tear Gas only
FINISH – Lose wanted level and escape.
DIFFICULTY LEVEL ****

The “Louis Chiasson” Arson Challenge
A-petrol-pump-001
AKA “4 star accommodation”
RESEARCH
KILL – 40 / INJURE – 2
TARGET – Anybody flammable
METHOD – Use jerry can as ignition.
FINISH – Arrest
DIFFICULTY LEVEL ****

The “Luis Garavito” Predator Challenge
image-18-for-jimmy-savile-life-in-pictures-gallery-528118249-88652
AKA “If it bleeds we can kill it”
RESEARCH
KILL – 300
TARGET – Male NPCs
METHOD – Stealth kill with knife.  Lose any wanted level between kills.
FINISH – Go back to safe house and drink another Pi33wasser.
DIFFICULTY LEVEL ***

 

The “Kim Dae-han“ Subway Achievment
download (1)
AKA “The Glock-lands Light Railway”
RESEARCH
KILL – 198
INJURE – 147
TARGET – Anybody in subway station or rail station
METHOD – By any means
FINISH – Lose wanted level and escape. Yes that’ll be tough.
DIFFICULTY LEVEL *****

 

GRAND FINALE!!!
The “Anders Breivik” Right Wing Militant Challenge
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AKA “GTA Oslo”
RESEARCH
KILL – 57
INJURE – 242
TARGET – All of Los Santos’s liberals
— PHASE 1 – Steal White Van and drive van to Los Santos City Hall, in Alta.
Sticky bomb own van and Kill 8 NPCs in single explosion.
Steal silver 5 seater car escape and lose wanted level.
— PHASE 2 – Drive car to Chumash pier area.
KiILL – 48 with headshots.
INJURE – 242 by any method
FINISH – Surrender and arrest
DIFFICULTY LEVEL *****

I’ll finish with a point made earlier – yes, the first person to complete the entire challenge series wins a real life trophy – engraved and everything – to sit proud of place on a mantelpiece of your choice.

This isn’t a joke.  If you have the inclination to video, or have a member of the Lolocaust staff adjudicate, then you WILL receive a trophy.  Your name will go down in history.

IN HISTORY….

A060

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